Haziness & Alarm Clocks

// Dreaming, and singing, laughing, crying, and dancing, falling in love... \\

These dreams have been driving me crazy as of late. They've been so realistic, and even as the day wears on, I can still almost feel her touch, smell her scent upon my clothing... it felt so real that I just can't shake her out of my mind. Maybe I don't want it to fade away into obscurity. I just felt so... happy, and that sensation lingered for quite a while, even as I boarded the bus to work. The day went by in a hazy blur, the images in my mind, slowly deteriorating, still seemingly more real than the daily dredge of cafe work. The fantastic backdrops that normally occupy my wandering mind during sleep where absent; in its place something much simpler, much more grounded in reality arose. I found myself yearning for something with such intensity that I knew in my heart that it couldn't possibly be a dream, that something this vivid had to be what life was meant to be.

Waking up to the sounds of a cell phone slowly vibrating itself off the nearby desk as my alarm clock bleeped incessantly for me to get to work... it was heart-wrenching to leave that place I had found in my mind, that quiet little spot where I could breathe in clarity and know what it was like to have someone love you back, the worries of the world drifting away into those darker recesses of my mind, no longer relevant. I was happy, and I died a little when I realized what the cold world truly had in store for me.

It can't quite take me out of this funk, but I'm still gonna let Ms. Kaela try...

~ Kesshi, FXC

Dreams Are Sneaky Little Assholes

// For some strange reason, the acoustic version always sounds better to me. Maybe because it sounds realer to me, more emotional since they stripped away all the frills. All that's left is the heart and soul of the song. No fuss, no muss, no distractions. \\

So I went out on a limb today, decided to test the waters and see what would happen. Heh, I suppose I should have known she'd be spoken for. Wishful thinking, Kess, wishful thinking. Love life = dead on arrival. At least I managed to figure it out without being blatantly obvious about my intentions. Sneaky... =.=;;

This job's chipping away at me. It's not the fact that it's hard, that it's boring, or that it pays shit, although those do contribute to the weariness. I just... it's not what I want to do, and that might come off as childish, but fuck it. Even when I was a janitor, that job didn't wear on me like this one those. It was my first job, and it was a hard job, and I was proud of it, proud of the effort it made me exert. This job though... I can't accurately describe how it makes me feel... I just feel so... numb? inside.

On the train ride home one night after work, I spent nearly half an hour just staring blankly into space. No thoughts flitted through my mind, no music was pumping through my headphones, I wasn't dozing off. I just sat there and stared, and didn't realize what I was doing until I was nearly home. Seven months have come and gone, and all I have to show for it are coffee stains on my shirts and a pittance on every paycheck stub.

I know I don't have it that bad, and that makes the situation all the more frustrating, because I feel like a douche for complaining, but I feel like if I don't vent some of this frustration that it'll eat me up inside.

Whatever, enough whining for now...

Dreaming that you came to work early and decided to take a nap on the breakroom couch, only to awaken to your manager calling you, saying you're over an hour late.... it's a shitty feeling. Even moreso because, somewhere deep inside, your brain knew what time it was and decided to fuck with you a little.

Asshole brain...

~ Kesshi, FXC