It's 2011, and I have yet to find myself a stable career. I have to put myself out there more, and do it more aggressively, but I'm finding myself somewhat unsure of what it is I want to do. A steady source of revenue is key, but as much as I joke about not caring about what sort of job I get, it does gnaw away at my mind. I want to find work in an industry where I can care about what I do, but what is that exactly? Immediate answers like the music or gaming industry come to mind, but how do I get in on the ground floor? It's hard enough to get basic entry levels with my background, but to venture into the entertainment industry, which is notoriously underwhelming in terms of pay and treatment, and is harder to break into without the right connections and experience... sigh. I should have gone into CS in college from the get go.
Visiting Andrew for a week in CO. It's such a beautiful place, with a crisp, clean feel that I could never quite find in MD. The people aren't as... diverse, but they all seem fairly friendly and open. I could see myself coming around here more often, just to gawk at the outdoors and revel in the feeling of... different. It's not loud here, there aren't any social obligations, it's... it's just nice here.
The 2011 Family Reunion was... messy, to say the least. Terrible health news caused a lot of stress for one branch of the clan, and saw their premature departure. Brother woes invoked a wave of migraines and other stress-related issues for me. Underage pregnancy was another hot button topic. On that subject, it feels so... surreal, seeing this girl that I remember as this little rugrat, now showing signs of a baby bump. Family as a whole is doing what it normally does when it comes to touchy issues like this, but the cousin in question seems to be taking it in stride, as well as she can. I feel for her and her situation, but I need to be in a better situation before I can think of helping her with her's.
There's also a small possibility that I could see how my niece and nephew are doing, and that... it's something that I tried not to think about, since their father wasn't able to be a part of their lives. I grew convinced that their roles in my life were over as soon as the messy divorce happened. But... just the thought of seeing them, even if only through photos... my nephew's a teenager now, with his sister chomping on his heels. It's... I felt a rush of emotions just hit me when I heard about this possibility. I don't know how to even describe it. I only really knew them through stories my brother told me, and I've only ever seen them, held them a couple times when their parents were still together. But the idea that there's blood that I haven't seen in more than a decade, blood that I was supposed to care for, as an uncle... it really digs deep.
Sigh.
SIGH.
EMO POST SIGH.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
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