A Sense of Relief

// The future's hardly set, and the paths ahead of me are so clouded and unsure, but this sense of relief filling my very core is something that I can't seem to shake. For the first time in a long while, I can say that I feel happy. Hopefully the grades for this semester won't rob me of this high... ^_^ Here, have some Jane Lui. Good for the soul. \\

No job lined up, no relationship, no real plans for the future aside from some vague aspirations, not even the guarantee of a passing semester, and yet, I can't help shake this warm sensation blossoming in my chest, bringing a smile to my face.

I just feel so overwhelmingly happy.

Hopefully Liz and I will get our little comic strip off the ground within the next week. Something small and fun that I've always wanted to do, but never really found the motivation to see through until recently. Let's see if this endeavor bears any fruit, neh?

A music-related job may be a bit hard to land, but let's see what I can manage, right? ^_^;; History major with no formal musical education? No sweat, dood. I GOT THIS.

Gonna see about doing something productive right now. Ja!

~ Kess, FXC

Breaking Out, Part 1

The issue of breaking out onto the music scene for Asian-Americans has always been a funny one to me. Let's not even address the issue of Asians on screen, or Asians on television. Music. Overseas, Asian music has branched out and touched every type of sound we could possibly imagine, yet in America, there are no real prominent Asian-American figures. I could name a few somewhat obvious ones, like Mike Shinoda or Doug Robb from Hoobastank (or if you want to dig a bit deeper, mixed race singers like Ne-Yo, Amerie, Cassie, etc...), but for the most part, Asian-Americans are largely absent from the music scene. Those of mixed descent are normally identified by the other aspects that figure more prominently into their skin tone (I doubt too many people associate Ne-Yo with Asians), or their Asian ethnicity is glossed over.

As a demographic in America, it helps to have figures in the media to look up to. Sure, we could look towards other strong figures of other ethnicities and emulate their successes and achievements. However, there is much to be said for having someone you can readily identify with via visual and cultural cues. Growing up, I didn't have too many Asian role models I could look up to aside from the martial artists imported to ooh and aah the audiences with their fancy kicks and exotic war cries. I suppose I had yellow-face and whitewashed movies too. Yay for Asian-Americans apparently being deemed unable to sell product?

Anyway... a strong Asian-American presence does even more than provide a role model to younger generations. It could also work towards erasing the negative and hurtful stereotypes and perceptions of Asians that still exist today. While every ethnicity has their own list of stereotypes, it seems, at least to me, that people seem much more willing to make the Asian joke, do the slant-eye, or make the off-hand penis joke. We all apparently know kung-fu, are super smart when it comes to mathematics, technology, and the sciences, and eat dogs. It doesn't matter if the stereotype is positive; stereotypes dehumanize the individual. Stereotypes rob individuals of their own personal identity in the public sphere, and instead objectifies them, and that's the real danger of any form of stereotype. I become less than what I am. I am no longer myself, I am perceived as the myth. I myself am aware that I am an individual, but to those who proscribe to the stereotype, what am I but a walking joke? Self-worth and not needing external validation are all well and good, but it still sucks on some level to know that you're not measured according to your own accomplishments, but according to idiotic perceptions created through ignorance.

Oh shit, class is letting out. More on this later!

~ Kess, FXC

Music

As long as I'm listening to music, I can forget, for the briefest of moments, about the outside world. I can lose myself in the rhythm, and let the voices take me for the most wondrous of rides. It doesn't even necessarily matter if I don't understand the lyrics. The emotions are there, and at the end of the day that's what really matters. That raw strength, the enthusiasm, the sorrow, the joy, it's all there in the best of songs, and whenever I can glimpse that sort of feeling behind the words, it sends shivers down my spine. I can feel the world anew. Listening to this art, flowing through my speakers, I cannot help but be amazed and thankful that, despite it all, I was fortunate enough to have found these brief moments of clarity, and been able to appreciate it for what it is.

It's somewhat depressing to finally realize what I've wanted to do with my life so late into the education game. I suppose it's not financially feasible to go back and start the degree over as a music major, but hopefully I won't need it. I just... I don't want to just be a music enthusiast. I doubt I'd be able to create anything remotely remarkable, but... maybe if I can bring this music to a wider audience. Purge the tired lab tracks and revitalize the music scene. Bring back to feeling, the substance. I don't quite know how this desire will translate into action, but... I want to make this happen.